last weekend, m and c and j and i were riding in the car, singing and sated.

j decided to ruin our reverie, though, by pointing out a mutant squirrel on the side of the road a block from our house.
‘wtf is that?’ said j.

‘idk?’ we all replied, and c drove closer.
well, as it turned out, it was a mutant squirrel.
you know how you hear about people who grow tumors with weird stuff in them, like toenails and eyeballs?
well, that’s what mutant squirrel had going on. but his deal was on. his. face.
it was basically another [headless] squirrel growing out of his face/neck region.

he must’ve drunk too much acid rain, or contaminated buttersauce.
none of us, including mutant squirrel, were happy about this. when we saw him, he was in the process of committing suicide while frantically pawing at his face.
damn cars kept swerving.
poor mutant squirrel!
we examined for as long as possible, before squealing the tires in a hasty retreat. then i ran in the house and held myself, trying not to throw up my lunch.
now, mutant squirrel haunts my dreams.

i have been googling ‘mutant squirrel houston,’ but it seems that he’s eluded everyone so far.

  1. Jess said:

    i die. literally i almost died when chris reminded me of this terrifying day.

  2. mom said:

    Oh my gosh. Seek counseling. Please.

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